loneliness

Can someone really know my feelings?

Sometimes I feel so unsecured..

I dont know why i feel of that..

My friend said i lack of love...

kinda true?

After school once i reach home..

There's nobody around...

Luckily I have two dogs accompany me..

I'm the one who can't leave alone..

But what the dogs can do?

they can't even talk to me..

yes! my talkative-ness makes me feel more secured because there's still people will care and talk to me.

I scared of silence..

I don't know why i got so low self-esteem 

I can't really stand out

But some of them may be thinking that i have a good leadership but unfortunately you were wrong.

I dont have confident at all..

I scared of many things..

Just even a small matter can make me feel so scared  for example when a guy start to talk loudly

People may think this is not a big deal..

but for me i cant accept that a guy can be so fierce or what's over...

I still can remember during my national service..

I'd promoted as a IC SKUAD 

some sort the head of a company..

As a head, he must be brave confident independent and so on..

But I got no confident..

There's one day during class teacher called me up to give some opinion of  the activities..

Im such a coward..

I dont know why im stunning at there and i cant even uttered a word..

teacher may think that im useless cant even talk..

this is why some of the teachers there not really like me...

chat with friends normally I number one! but no to public speaking...

I got a lot of best friends!

the seven dwarfs :p

zhe yen and angela too

but all of them are female...

can I have a male best friend?

it's not that Im "hiao" or what..but sometimes u may feel secured when u got a male best friend

Not every secrets that u can share with ur female friends..

apparently Male's thinking are totally different from girls

and they are pro in consoling people...

I dont know why a guy's advise is much more effective than a girl's advise to me... no offense ya 

maybe I can feel more secured..

But i think that im too choosy...

I want a guy that is mature thinking 

he may be childish sometimes but when come to serious he is serious...

Sometimes i ask myself 

does my kindness pay?

do everyone appreciate it?

I feel so envy bout my friends why they got so many friends like them

do my friends like me?

does my outlook is the factor that my friends not really good to me?

I hope someone can really see and feel it as Im trying hard to change myself..

My curiosity too high that makes me feel so tired

I can really simply think of anything..

"My friends will think that I'm noisy?'

Because of my noisiness they will boycott me??

I will keep thinking all sorts of nonsense!

If someone read this, I really appreciate that u sacrificed ur time to read this long passage of my feelings